You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize