I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
