So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
