I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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