do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
