I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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