If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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