I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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