make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
