FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
