Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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