I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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