You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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