I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
