Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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