we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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