She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
