don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just tell him i said nine months
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
