Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize