So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
North Korea, Best Korea!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
