if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
