"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
