The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
