I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Randomize
