So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
