she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize