i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
