I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
