Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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