it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
