He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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