Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
