I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
