My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
