I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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