And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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