So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
