Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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