The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
