I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
