gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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