I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
