Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
