there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize