It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize