Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
