Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
