i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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