actually, I'm a sock model
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize