I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ruined the universe
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
