nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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