I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
