Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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