He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
