Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
