is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
