Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
