you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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