life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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