My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
