New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm passing your future prison.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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