I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize