I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
