never play flip cup with pint glasses
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
