he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
