my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
