I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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