Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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