I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
