He asked me if I "almost moaned"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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