Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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