So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
